Millennial Love Languages

In my marriage, I’m known for being the one who keeps  the argument going.  See, I’m petty and I can stay mad for days. But the truth is that all my husband has to do is kiss me and most times, I’m no longer mad. His kiss does nothing to address the argument. However, so much is said with just that one kiss. My love language- Intimacy.

Now, the world has fallen in love with the idea of Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. Even while nothing about this topic is new, over 2 decades later this book is still vividly prevalent in conversations about relationships and consistently recommended by marriage counselors.

In 1992, Dr. Chapman shared with the world, his theory on love and how people communicate love to one other.  Chapman called this 5 subject theory, “The Love Languages” and according to his framework, people express and receive love through words of Affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

While I am certainly not here to re-write his theory, I would be remiss to not consider the differences in the needs of the generation groups that exist. As a millennial, I know firsthand that our needs and preferences are different than those that came before us and I believe that that would be applicable in relationships as well. For us millennials, its not as simple as Chapman put it. It was not written for our generation- It is not for us.

The languages- Millennial Edition

Food

“You want something to eat”? Yes, we joke about this and we re-share all of the memes. And while the memes are funny, there’s also much truth in them. Food can be considered a labor of love and sometimes a way to someone’s heart. So when your mother shared this well known saying that “the way to someone’s heart is their stomach” she really didn’t lie to you.

Intimacy

This is not to be mistaken for touch because first and foremost intimacy involves much passion. It is a deep experience that cannot be forced. It’s a profound, familiar, and involved. It’s the connection and the closeness.

Security

There’s just something about a man that takes care of home! Financial or emotional security minimizes the exposure or possibility of external threats. For most millennials, having a financially stable partner is very important. For most of us, the feeling of being cared for speaks volumes and the idea taking care of home is a turn on. Likewise, emotional security is equally important and allows one to show up authentically without fear of judgment.

Not having to ask

The idea of having someone just think of me, makes my heart float. To bring me home a hot sausage, Snicker bar, or Big Mac without me having to ask, was the ultimate way that anyone can show me that they love me. This used to be my love language. To simply think of someone while they aren’t present and act in their interest (not having to ask) is indeed a love language that hasn’t been acknowledged.

Not having to Guess

Not everyone is good at planning, surprises, and simply doing. And they will give you the world, but as long as you communicate what it is in the world that you want. Having the other partner be clear about what they may want is their love language. Expecting for your partner to just know can sometimes cause more harm than romance.  

It is my belief that there may be a couple of languages not discovered. What do you believe your present-day love language to be?